Cultivating My Voice – Sharing My Story
There are so many blogs out there in the galaxy of the internet, what could I possibly offer of worth? Do I really have anything to say that isn’t just noise? Perhaps my words will float through the universe mutely. Yet, maybe at least one other person will find some piece of his or her own voice through my sharing of these stories. Plus, selfishly, I love to write!
Do you ever notice the preponderance of food humor on sitcoms? I can recall with mirth the episode of Friends in which Joey attempted to eat an entire Thanksgiving turkey on his own. One of my favorite movies when I was in college was Laws of Attraction, an under-appreciated and fun rom-com with a stellar cast, including Pierce Brosnan and Julianne Moore. The running gag throughout the film was the way Moore’s character, an incredibly successful (and drop-dead gorgeous) attorney, reached for a snowball (those prepackaged, coconut-covered confections) whenever she was under stress. I could connect with that behavior, given that throughout my entire life, eating (or later, not eating) was my main coping strategy. It’s all so hilarious, and it plays out great in the theaters, living rooms, and dorms all over the country and the world, but it occurred to me that MY people are underrepresented. Where are the depictions of the girl with anorexia or binge eating disorder who struggles to overcome panic just to put on a pair of jeans so that she can leave her house on the weekend to go down the street to Starbucks for a cup of coffee? It can be incredibly painful, and I speak from personal experience, but on the road to recovery, there is also humor in it.
Before I underwent intensive, partial hospitalization for my mixed eating disorder, I could never have composed something like this. Now, though, as I work each day to replace my old, disordered behaviors with new skills and practices, I can (sometimes) laugh at the nutty, clearly dysfunctional thoughts that still fly through my head on a nearly constant basis. Don’t misunderstand, I still have my meltdowns. But, as my friends (both the intuitive eaters and my fellow recovering ED comrades) and I often reflect, if we can’t laugh about it, what’s the alternative? Here is my attempt to share some of these tales with you, dear reader. Thank you for visiting my site!